I played with the Ya-Ya Name Generator at the movie site and it came up with some wonderful names, but they didn't fit. Names like -- Duchess Rising Fawn and Queen Silent Breeze -- were very tempting, but just didn't seem right.
I decided a name bestowed on me by someone who loves me and knows me would be better. So I asked my partner to come up with a name. She named me Princess Rainbow in the Clouds. I like it! It suits me. I love rainbows and bright colors. I love cheering people up...and helping people see the beauty and wisdom in the combination of rain and sun -- good and bad.
I wanted to make myself a Ya-Ya crown, but never got around to it. Maybe now that I have my name, I'll get an idea for a crown. I'll post a photo here if I ever get around to making one.
One of the most important things for me is friendships. It is in friendships that I see myself more clearly and can iron out my rough edges while enjoying the company of another who knows me and likes me just the way I am, rough edges and all.
My interests include walking in nature (though I don't do it as often as I'd like), enjoying the sights and sounds of nature, writing, creating, gardening, playing cards and other games, and reading.
I had a web journal on Xanga. I have just started a new web journal on Live Journal. I love writing and reflecting on my day and things that I think about. It helps me get clear and make some discoveries I wouldn't have made if I didn't take the time to write my thoughts. I always hope that my thoughts will begin a dialogue with others.
I'm a very gentle and reflective person at heart. I am cheerful and optimistic most of the times. But, like everyone, I have my moments. I can be quick to judge. I am noticing that more and curbing it before it comes out of my mouth. I was raised by a very logical, black-and-white thinking father, so it's one of the faults ingrained in my wiring that I do the best I can with.
My parents are both very unemotional. It took an emotional earthquake to break me free of those shackles. My partner and I had been together for about 6 years and had struggled on and off for a couple of years. It all came to a head, with bad behavior on both of our parts, and we broke up. My heart, my life, my world was shattered in a million pieces. I felt as if I needed to pick up every piece, inspect it, decide if it was something that served me well, and if it didn't, it was tossed out. It was in that process that a new me was born -- a me that is less logical and more in touch with my feelings, a me that is compassionate and has an open heart, a me who judges much less harshly, a me who is more concerned about my own rough edges than those I see in others.
While this period was the most painful period in my life, it was also the most beneficial. If I had to go back and do it all again, I wouldn't give up this painful time unless I could be assured that I would learn the same lessons and become the better person I am, without all the pain.
There are times when I feel tinges of that same pain and it is always when I have had my heart open, have been compassionate, and then been disappointed or have had my trust broken. I'm learning that these times are wonderful proof that I'm still the new me, the better me I became 3 years ago. The pain tells me I am a conscience, open woman who is living and authentic life rather than shielding herself from the world. With my shielfdup, I can protect myself from the pain, but I also keep out amazing joy and happiness and peace. I've learned, I can't have one without the other. And the pain, just like the rain, combined with the light of the sun, contributes to the bright colors of my world.